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After Mack Nez Johnson's near-fatal accident in 1983,
he said, "The following days and weeks and years to come, I thought it was all
over for me, as far as art, as far as love life, as far as life at all. I couldn't
feed myself. I started to give up thinking for myself. I let my mother take care
of all my problems, all my bills, and still drank and did a lot of drugs."
Even though Johnson knew he'd never use his hands again, the habit of making
art came back, just like the bad habits. Johnson had always earned an A in art
class. "Because I had always bragged about what a good artist I was before,
someone pushed a pencil in my mouth and said, 'Quit your crying and do something.'
"I took the pencil. I'd always done people, so I tried to make a face. It
was scribbling marks, but there was a face in there somewhere." And then came
turnaround No. 2.
"On June 6, 1986, I went to the treatment center at Saint Mary's and turned
it all around, " Johnson said. "I believe my Creator, which I choose to call
God, too, was responsible for that. I had no idea who I was, or what I was,
or where I was going. I drank too much and ended up in Emergency. They asked
me if I had a drinking problem. I told 'em I didn't have any problems," Johnson
said with an ironic laugh. "Here I was, numb from the chest down, lost my wife,
lost my kids, lost respect for myself, my people, my ways--and still I answered,
'No, I got no problems.' Here I was crying day and night, wishing I could roll
up and die."
The treatment that followed, Johnson said, "was like casting a devil out of
me. So many feelings and problems came up, so much anger and hurt. It was worth
it. I couldn't imagine going downtown and having dinner, meeting my friends
or my family even--or standing up in front of hundreds of people and saying,
'Yes, I am an alcoholic.' I've done that already, spoken at conferences in Denver
and Atlanta. I've got to keep up on that Alcoholics Anonymous. Right next to
my heart is my sobriety. It's got me gathered up and going.
"I went to Germany two years ago and did a culture and art exchange there
with disabled people. The topic was being independent, which means a lot to
me. I'm looking forward to my art turning out in the future so I won't have to
depend on the state any longer. And eventually I'd like to get my kids here
to live with me."
Johnson, who recently saw and enjoyed "My Left Foot," about Irish artist Christy
Brown, who had cerebral palsy, said he was ready to tell his own story and has
started spending time at the typewriter each day.
"At the time of the wreck, I thought I had life under control," Johnson said.
"If I hadn't gone off that cliff, I would have gone on wanting and wanting and
wanting and never giving. I'm real thankful that happened to me."
This article was written by Mark Crawford and appeared in the Reno Gazette-Journal.
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